On my way to recovery

Recovery

I fear becoming well again

I fear what the recovery will lead too

I fear the demands that will come when I am well

I fear what kind of work I will get when I am well.

This fear keeps me from doing things will make feel better.

I know it is ridicules

To fear getting well

Be recovered from illness

I want to get better more than anything.

I just know what demands there are on those

Who are well, recovered!

Stressful life full of demands

Boring meaning less work

And I will be an oracle a voice for The Goddess

Please don’t misunderstand me.

It is a great honour to be a voice of The Goddess

Be an oracle.

But I can’t handle people’s accusations harsh words about the channellings.

People often react badly to harsh messages.

I also can’t handle getting well then crash and get sick again

Cause I couldn’t handle the pressure strife in life.

I really hate myself for this

I am so ashamed of my self

The Goddess has been so good to me

So patient, giving me strength and courage to move on.

And all I do is complain and whine.

I sound so ungrateful.

I am not ungrateful

I am very grateful

I just have these fears

I can’t help that.

I am just so insecure.

I don’t want to make Her angry at me

Or disappoint Her.

I don’t know what the future holds for me.

I don’t know what terrible challenges

I will be facing

The Goddess answers

It won’t be harder than you can handle

Trust it will work well.

You are only harming yourself

With resisting changes

Resisting to do what will

Make you feel better, recover.

You are the one who loses on not doing

Yoga and mindfulness

Use cbt dbt to sort out

Your emotions, your issues.

If not you will just get worse

And the doctors will give you stronger medications

That will damage you sedate you.

You fear losing control of your life

But not doing what you can to get better

Is giving up your powers your control, giving in

Let the illness win.

Don’t let the fears and insecurity you feel win.

Don’t let the pain and anxiety

You feel during doing what’s good for you stop you.

The best thing you can do is focus on what you will gain

If you are feeling better you are able to create more

May even have the strength to put up art in art galleries

I just don’t believe in any good for me anymore

No joy, happiness or success.

It hurts too much to get crushed devastated.

Get my hopes up

Start to dream and plan

To just be faced with my limits

And what I will get in life.

I will be used and broken again.

I wouldn’t mind being used

If I just got some success in life.

It is just that I feel and fear that I am supposed to

So many things. Much demands on me.

But when want something

I rarely get it. Cause that is not a priority.

It hurt so much

It makes me feel so useless.

Like I am just a serf or slave

That are only for being used

Do what is demanded of her.

I don’t know more than that

I will be demanded to channel.

It is not that mind as much as I

Fear where it will lead me.

Fear what I will hear

Fear how others will respond

It didn’t go well the last times.

I got kicked out from a few groups

Cause the channellings wasn’t

Bright and positive.

I understand the need of these less pleasant messages

I just don’t want to lose friends

The Goddess answered me

It won’t be that personal

Just post it on the blog you have for the channellings.

How others react to the messages aren’t your problem

Trust that the right persons will read and listen to it.

Just be open and receiving

If your friends can’t separate my words from yours

And leave you cause of the channelings

They aren’t really your friends.

Do you like to connect to Avalon, my child?

Yes I do.

I love doing the Avalon rituals and

Meditations it really helps me.

It is so wonderful to connect to

Lady of Avalon in all Her aspects and faces.

And so you should.

I feel stronger and more connected when I am with

Rhiannon and Morgen Le Fay.

As long as I focus on them and on You.

My path and my life feels better.

Then you should do so everyday

When I think about the reality

My harsh life.

It is so much I am missing out from

I can’t afford going to those expensive

Priestess training in Glastonbury

I feel like I am missing out on so much

By not living there, not taken those trainings.

When people says it wasn’t your will for me it

Breaks my heart.

Cause how can that not be your will?

So there is only through those exclusive training

People can honour me?

Do you think you are the only one who hasn’t,

been able to go to a training they wanted?

It is I who initiate you.

All you seek is within

Books, meditations rituals path working chants

Can help you. Those you already have.

You are just as worthy as any other person who done the

Glastonbury training or any other training.

This is just your low self-esteem talking.

Okay thank you My Lady.

About your art career dreams

People don’t understand you or your art.

That doesn’t make you less.

Just cause you never made into art university

Got an successful art career

It doesn’t make you or your art trash

No one is stopping you from doing art

You can always get better at drawing and painting.

Remember practise makes perfect.

You are drawing and painting to heal your soul

And to honour us Gods.

To enlighten people about endangered animals

Yes.

Those are the purpose of your art.

Many people never sell anything

Goes through same as you.

It doesn’t make either of you less of an artist

Okay thank you My Lady

I just wonder why I never get a job I like

It is just trashy jobs I hate I get

I would like something creative

Not working as nurse or baker

Cause the stress makes me sick.

Those jobs aren’t right for you.

There are better stuff for you to do.

You have no idea what the future holds for you

No I don’t. It scares me.

Do you trust me

Yes I do

But…

It is just that the realistically possibilities for me are small

And I want more. I want what I can’t have

There is your problem

You focus on what you can have

And are missing out of what can have.

The acceptance of reality as it is

Accept what you can’t ever change what you can’t ever get.

See what you actually can achieve

See the hidden blessings

By just waiting for life to get better!

For your dreams coming true

Procrastinating yourself makes you worse.

It makes you upset to watch life fly by

Where you are stuck in the mud.

You are forgetting to use your powers

Your strength to change your life.

If you are often very negative

Letting your issues overwhelm you

Ignore doing what’s good for you

Your life won’t get better and will stuck where you are right now

Your nervousness, worries and fears

Are just that fears nervousness

Strife toward the light

Don’t give into the despair

Don’t let shadows your fears rule you

Your inner despair darkness

Turns to panic attacks

Voices from the past

The psychological demons

Are haunting you.

Remember they only have the power

You give them

With giving in to the despair anxiety issues

By believing its lies.

Why would I or any other Gods

Torment you with making sure you are always miserable

Always so anxious, nervous, insecure and scared

Life’s harsh lessons the challenges you get

Are to make you stronger

They don’t mean eternal suffering as you fear.

You are worthy to have joy, love, be happy and successful.

With a more positive realistic approach on your life goals

You feel better gain back the control of your life.