Recovery
I fear becoming well again
I fear what the recovery will lead too
I fear the demands that will come when I am well
I fear what kind of work I will get when I am well.
This fear keeps me from doing things will make feel
better.
I know it is ridicules
To fear getting well
Be recovered from illness
I want to get better more than anything.
I just know what demands there are on those
Who are well, recovered!
Stressful life full of demands
Boring meaning less work
And I will be an oracle a voice for The Goddess
Please don’t misunderstand me.
It is a great honour to be a voice of The Goddess
Be an oracle.
But I can’t handle people’s accusations harsh words
about the channellings.
People often react badly to harsh messages.
I also can’t handle getting well then crash and get
sick again
Cause I couldn’t handle the pressure strife in life.
I really hate myself for this
I am so ashamed of my self
The Goddess has been so good to me
So patient, giving me strength and courage to move on.
And all I do is complain and whine.
I sound so ungrateful.
I am not ungrateful
I am very grateful
I just have these fears
I can’t help that.
I am just so insecure.
I don’t want to make Her angry at me
Or disappoint Her.
I don’t know what the future holds for me.
I don’t know what terrible challenges
I will be facing
The Goddess answers
It won’t
be harder than you can handle
Trust it
will work well.
You are
only harming yourself
With resisting
changes
Resisting to
do what will
Make you
feel better, recover.
You are
the one who loses on not doing
Yoga and
mindfulness
Use cbt
dbt to sort out
Your emotions,
your issues.
If not you
will just get worse
And the
doctors will give you stronger medications
That will
damage you sedate you.
You fear losing
control of your life
But not
doing what you can to get better
Is giving
up your powers your control, giving in
Let the
illness win.
Don’t let
the fears and insecurity you feel win.
Don’t let
the pain and anxiety
You feel
during doing what’s good for you stop you.
The best
thing you can do is focus on what you will gain
If you are
feeling better you are able to create more
May even
have the strength to put up art in art galleries
I just don’t believe in any good for me anymore
No joy, happiness or success.
It hurts too much to get crushed devastated.
Get my hopes up
Start to dream and plan
To just be faced with my limits
And what I will get in life.
I will be used and broken again.
I wouldn’t mind being used
If I just got some success in life.
It is just that I feel and fear that I am supposed to
So many things. Much demands on me.
But when want something
I rarely get it. Cause that is not a priority.
It hurt so much
It makes me feel so useless.
Like I am just a serf or slave
That are only for being used
Do what is demanded of her.
I don’t know more than that
I will be demanded to channel.
It is not that mind as much as I
Fear where it will lead me.
Fear what I will hear
Fear how others will respond
It didn’t go well the last times.
I got kicked out from a few groups
Cause the channellings wasn’t
Bright and positive.
I understand the need of these less pleasant messages
I just don’t want to lose friends
The Goddess answered me
It won’t
be that personal
Just post
it on the blog you have for the channellings.
How others
react to the messages aren’t your problem
Trust that
the right persons will read and listen to it.
Just be
open and receiving
If your
friends can’t separate my words from yours
And leave you
cause of the channelings
They aren’t
really your friends.
Do you
like to connect to Avalon, my child?
Yes I do.
I love doing the Avalon rituals and
Meditations it really helps me.
It is so wonderful to connect to
Lady of Avalon in all Her aspects and faces.
And so you
should.
I feel stronger and more connected when I am with
Rhiannon and Morgen Le Fay.
As long as I focus on them and on You.
My path and my life feels better.
Then you
should do so everyday
When I think about the reality
My harsh life.
It is so much I am missing out from
I can’t afford going to those expensive
Priestess training in Glastonbury
I feel like I am missing out on so much
By not living there, not taken those trainings.
When people says it wasn’t your will for me it
Breaks my heart.
Cause how can that not be your will?
So there
is only through those exclusive training
People can
honour me?
Do you
think you are the only one who hasn’t,
been able
to go to a training they wanted?
It is I
who initiate you.
All you
seek is within
Books,
meditations rituals path working chants
Can help
you. Those you already have.
You are
just as worthy as any other person who done the
Glastonbury
training or any other training.
This is
just your low self-esteem talking.
Okay thank you My Lady.
About your
art career dreams
People don’t
understand you or your art.
That doesn’t
make you less.
Just cause
you never made into art university
Got an
successful art career
It doesn’t
make you or your art trash
No one is
stopping you from doing art
You can
always get better at drawing and painting.
Remember practise
makes perfect.
You are
drawing and painting to heal your soul
And to honour
us Gods.
To enlighten
people about endangered animals
Yes.
Those are
the purpose of your art.
Many people
never sell anything
Goes through
same as you.
It doesn’t
make either of you less of an artist
Okay thank you My Lady
I just wonder why I never get a job I like
It is just trashy jobs I hate I get
I would like something creative
Not working as nurse or baker
Cause the stress makes me sick.
Those jobs
aren’t right for you.
There are
better stuff for you to do.
You have
no idea what the future holds for you
No I don’t. It scares me.
Do you
trust me
Yes I do
But…
It is just that the realistically possibilities for me
are small
And I want more. I want what I can’t have
There is
your problem
You focus
on what you can have
And are
missing out of what can have.
The acceptance
of reality as it is
Accept what
you can’t ever change what you can’t ever get.
See what
you actually can achieve
See the
hidden blessings
By just
waiting for life to get better!
For your
dreams coming true
Procrastinating
yourself makes you worse.
It makes
you upset to watch life fly by
Where you
are stuck in the mud.
You are
forgetting to use your powers
Your strength
to change your life.
If you are
often very negative
Letting your
issues overwhelm you
Ignore doing
what’s good for you
Your life won’t
get better and will stuck where you are right now
Your nervousness,
worries and fears
Are just
that fears nervousness
Strife
toward the light
Don’t give
into the despair
Don’t let
shadows your fears rule you
Your inner
despair darkness
Turns to panic
attacks
Voices from
the past
The psychological
demons
Are haunting
you.
Remember they
only have the power
You give
them
With giving
in to the despair anxiety issues
By believing
its lies.
Why would I
or any other Gods
Torment you
with making sure you are always miserable
Always so
anxious, nervous, insecure and scared
Life’s harsh
lessons the challenges you get
Are to
make you stronger
They don’t
mean eternal suffering as you fear.
You are
worthy to have joy, love, be happy and successful.
With a more
positive realistic approach on your life goals
You feel
better gain back the control of your life.